32 Greatest Comebacks In All Of Human History

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We’ve all been in that situation where someone dissed us and we just couldn’t manage a witty retort. These famous people didn’t have any trouble thinking up an awesome, and at times viciously funny comeback… and went down in history at the same time.

Edna Ferber vs Noel Coward

Edna Ferber vs Noel Coward

Coward was remarking upon the fact that Ferber was wearing a tailored suit.

Senator Fritz Hollings vs Henry McMastor

When challenged by his Republican opponent during a televised debate to take a drug test:

Senator Fritz Hollings vs Henry McMastor

Mohandas Gandhi vs Western Civilization

Mohandas Gandhi vs Western Civilization

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Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller vs An Attendee At A Church Conference

Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller vs An Attendee At A Church Conference

After the man ranted against university education and thanked God that he had never been corrupted by going to college.

Earnest Hemingway vs William Faulkner

Earnest Hemingway vs William Faulkner

Groucho Marx vs A Contestant on You Bet Your Life

After the contestant revealed that he was a father of 10:

Groucho Marx vs A Contestant on “You Bet Your Life”

Henry Clay vs Massachusetts Senator Daniel Webster

After seeing a pack of mules walk by:

Henry Clay vs Massachusetts Senator Daniel Webster

Ilka Chase vs An Anonymous Actress

Ilka Chase vs An Anonymous Actress

James McNeill Whistler vs Oscar Wilde

After Whistler had made a particularly witty observation:

James McNeill Whistler vs Oscar Wilde

John Barrymore vs A Woman In The Lady’s Room

John Barrymore vs A Woman In The Lady’s Room

Barrymore was drunkenly urinating in the wrong bathroom, and turned to face his accuser, penis in hand.

John Wilkes vs John Montagu

John Wilkes vs John Montagu

Miriam Hopkins vs An Anonymous Singer

Miriam Hopkins vs An Anonymous Singer

Muhammad Ali vs Joe Frazier

Muhammad Ali vs Joe Frazier

Niels Bohr vs A Reporter

Niels Bohr vs A Reporter

Oscar Wilde vs Lewis Morris

Oscar Wilde vs Lewis Morris

Morris had just been passed over for the Poet Laureateship.

Pierre Trudeau vs Richard Nixon

Pierre Trudeau vs Richard Nixon

Upon hearing that Nixon had called him an asshole.

Reverend Edward Everett Hale vs The U.S. Senate

When asked if he prayed for the Senators:

Reverend Edward Everett Hale vs The U.S. Senate

Robert Benchley vs A Man In Uniform

Robert Benchley vs A Man In Uniform

Thomas Reed vs Henry Clay

Thomas Reed vs Henry Clay

Winston Churchill vs A Member Of Parliament

Winston Churchill vs A Member Of Parliament

Winston Churchill vs Bessie Braddock

Winston Churchill vs Bessie Braddock

Winston Churchill vs George Bernard Shaw

Winston Churchill vs George Bernard Shaw

Winston Churchill vs Lady Astor

Winston Churchill vs Lady Astor

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart vs An Admirer

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart vs An Admirer

Abraham Lincoln vs A Foreign Diplomat

Abraham Lincoln vs A Foreign Diplomat

After the diplomat found Lincoln polishing his boots in his office.

Abraham Lincoln vs Stephen Douglas

After Douglas called him “two-faced” during a debate:

Abraham Lincoln vs Stephen Douglas

Alcibiades vs Pericles

Alcibiades vs Pericles

Bill Clinton vs Dan Quayle

Bill Clinton vs Dan Quayle

After Quayle revealed that he planned to be “a pit bull” in the 1992 campaign against Clinton and Gore.

Calvin Coolidge vs An Opera Singer

Calvin Coolidge vs An Opera Singer

Calvin Coolidge vs Some Random Lady At A White House Dinner

Calvin Coolidge vs Some Random Lady At A White House Dinner

Dorothy Parker vs New Yorker Editor Harold Ross

Dorothy Parker vs New Yorker Editor Harold Ross

Parker had been on her honeymoon, when Harold Ross interrupted her to ask why she was late with a book review.

NY Mayor Ed Koch vs Andrew Kirtzman

After the reporter insisted on pressing a point about an inconsistent statement Koch had made:

NY Mayor Ed Koch vs Andrew Kirtzman

Feel the BURN! Next time you get in an argument with someone, just try to remember a few of these great comebacks. It will end the argument for good. Share the history’s greatest comebacks with others below.

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