Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
Next time someone says that the English language is easy, just show them this list:
- The bandage was wound around the wound.
- The farm was used to produce produce.
- The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
- We must polish the Polish furniture.
- He could lead if he would get the lead out.
- The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
- Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
- A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
- When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
- I did not object to the object.
- The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
- There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
- They were too close to the door to close it.
- The buck does funny things when the does are present.
- A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
- To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
- The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
- Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
- I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
- How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
- There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
- English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
- Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
- Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- Writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham.
- The plural of tooth is teeth, but the plural of booth isn’t beeth.
- One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
- You can make amends but not one amend.
- If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
- If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
- If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
- People recite at a play and play at a recital.
- You can ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
- Noses run and feet smell.
- A slim chance and a fat chance mean the same.
- A wise man and a wise guy are opposites.
- A house can burn up as it burns down.
- You fill in a form by filling it out
- An alarm goes off by going on.
- When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
- English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
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